Tuesday, June 29, 2010

“Doors open when you’re on the right path”

I heard someone say this the other day and I can’t get it out of my head. I’m a big believer in beshert (fate) and astrological charts. I believe in things like Saturn Return and think mine will happen way before my 30th birthday. And I can’t help but wonder that although I think I’m going down this path, it’s actually leading toward an end result I don’t even yet realize. To avoid getting too mystical on ya, I guess I can simply break it down. I’ve been on a tunnel-vision, rocket course toward one goal (acting) for over ten years and now that I am in the best position to succeed, I’m not sure if that is what I really want. So much of what actors love (aside from the actual work of connecting with other actors and exploring the human emotional experience, etc.) is the competition. The fighting for yourself and - in your wildest dreams - winning! But when actors realize that much of the actual business of acting is fighting for the chance to fight... it's exhausting. Someone once asked me, "Is it hard to hear 'no' all the time?" I laughed and said, "I WISH I was hearing 'no' all of the time - I'm not hearing ANYTHING at the moment!" So here I am, 26 years old, at the brink of the brink success and I'm hesitating. I can neither ignore nor deny what my heart tells me, I can only decide what to do with it. So come on, doors, open! I don't care where you'll lead me, just show me a way.

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